Leaving with a heavy heart. But, the sun is out, and I'll be back soon!

I have often written of how thankful I am for the lives of my children.  Our particular little struggle has been the life of our little boy Liam who was born at 27 weeks.  We thank God that he survived those first few weeks of life, and that for the largest part he is perfectly healthy.  However, he does have some special health needs and we are constantly aware of caring for him appropriately and protecting him from situations that could turn out to be quite serious because of his health.

Frequently little Liam has gone from having a cold to being hospitalized within a matter of days.  Megan and I know all the signs, and our pediatrician trusts us enough to allow us to keep a stock of antibiotics and other appropriate drugs to help him when he picks up an infection.  As such when we were given the opportunity to travel to Argentina together we knew that little Liam would have to come with us.  We could not leave him behind with just anyone.  So earlier in the month we got his passport, took him to the doctor for a checkup and ensured that he was ready to travel.  We had our regular stock of medication and we were all set for a great trip.  This week however, Liam picked up a cold and started getting all the signs we're accustomed to, spiking fever, a tight chest, light blue tinges on his fingernails and lips (which means that he is not getting enough oxygen saturation).  So we started to treat him with the nebulizer and antibiotics and took him to the doctor.

After checking him out the doctor indicated that Liam would not able to fly.  His lungs simply would not cope with the oxygen saturation of the aircraft.

So, Megie and Liam have remained behind in Somerset West.

My heart is heavy...  It is not a good thing to know that Liam is ill at the best of times, but it is even more difficult to leave him and Megie.

To change tack a little, many people have spoken to us about how we relate all of this struggle to God.  Some friends who do not believe think that we are naive to believe in a God who heals when our son is so sick.  Others who are more charismatic think that perhaps we don't have enough faith, and for that reason our son is sick.  Some more pensive friends have spoken of the complexity of theodicy (a theological study of the 'justice' of God, from the Greek Theos meaning God and the Latin dice meaning justice).  In short they question how a God who is all powerful, and is also all loving, could allow suffering.  Surely if God is all powerful and can heal any person, and God is infinitely loving, God would simply heal little Liam?  Well simplistically I guess that would be one option.  However, I have come to understand that health is certainly not a measure of wholeness.  I know many healthy people who are more fully whole because they have learned to grow and deepen their perspective on life, love, God's grace, and the wonder of human community, through their understanding of suffering.

What I can tell you with certainty is that we know that God loves us, and God loves Liam and Courtney.  We are certain that God's heart breaks when our hearts are broken, and that God gives us both courage and strength to cope with the vicissitudes of life.  An overseas trip could never cause me to doubt my faith in a God who willingly took suffering upon himself so that I could be free to truly live.  I find comfort in Christ's suffering, and even his death, and yes of course I find great hope in his resurrection to eternal life.

There is a sense in which God is not the owner of 'Disney world' where everything has a shine and veneer of happiness, yet it lacks true depth and joy.  Rather, the God I love and know deals with real life, life that is disappointing and messy, but also filled with the miracles of life and love, and that God brings wholeness in spite of health, and blessing in spite of struggle.

Please do spare a prayer for little Liam, for Megie, for Courts and I.